It is with a sad heart and humble mind that I write this open letter to you today. I have been watching and enjoying your show for years now. You’ve had me ever since you peeled a banana and said “is something the matter, Jon?” on The Daily Show. All this time I thought there’s no way a serious news pundit of your stature would ever get the facts wrong, but today I stand corrected. Today I learned that you, like the new pope, are not infallible.
In last Thursday’s show you had a segment about The Colbert Report China’s Rip-off. First of all allow me to congratulate you. The Marxists have spoken! Obviously China craves some late night Colbert dessert. However in that very segment a crucial mistake was made. A mistake as fatal as Beijing’s air after 2 days without wind.
Two minutes into the segment you show a short clip from the Chinese program and refer to what is clearly a plate of Chinese mantou as eggs. Come on! Everyone knows eggs are not funny. What with all their hard shell snobbish I-am-better-than-you attitude and how they would only hang out with each other in even numbers, which is, let’s face it – borderline OCD. But Chinese steamed buns? There are funny and not just because the government says so. There are so hot, soft and smooth. They are like the sexy Asian cousin of the Pillsbury Doughboy:
The way I see it, there’s only one explanation for this. Clearly your new Chinese intern ja-mes is making ya-mess up on his first day on the job. You should cut him loose before the shit really hits the fan and makes a big bingbing.
All the best,
P.S – I really wanted you to be my alpha dog of the week but they eat dogs here and I didn’t want to put you in any sort of danger.